In honor of Father’s Day
“‘… in sickness and health, even if our kids are born with special needs or autism and have behavioral issues that we can’t even begin to comprehend, and we need to care for them for the rest of our lives,’
even then — I will love them and I will love you because that is what you’ve done for us.”
Dear Husband,
It’s hard to believe it’s been 14 years since we were married. Crazy how a chaotic life can make time pass so quickly.
In those 14 years, we have had our share of joys with new jobs, a new home and the birth of babies. We’ve also had our share of sorrow with the loss of little ones, jobs, and illnesses, but perhaps the greatest challenge we’ve endured has been with our two boys who have autism.
When I gave birth to our firstborn, you had dreams of him following in your footsteps, participating in Boy Scouts and helping with house projects, but those dreams were replaced with therapy and doctor’s appointments, and you set aside the hurt and loved them even more.
As our boys have aged, now 12 and 11, I’ve seen the strain their extensive needs put on you: the sleepless nights, waking up early, and their inability to regulate at times.
I see you try to give them all the love you can, even when your own tank is running on empty. I see after a long day at work how you just want to relax, and our boys won’t let you; instead asking question after question, oblivious to the social cues you are giving them that you are desperate for some relaxation. And as you sigh, you give them the attention they long for and answer their questions, again and again, and again.
I see you show me love even though your tank is empty. I see it in the early mornings when you allow me to sleep in after a rough night and make supper every once in a while — all in spite of another challenging day at work or with our boys.
Two tanks running on fumes for years has undoubtedly resulted in conflict in our marriage. Conflict over how best to help our boys and manage daily behaviors. Conflict over how to find some peace in this chaotic life we live. Conflict because we seem to be more in survival mode most of the time than in a loving relationship.
I miss you husband.
I miss our dates, the one opportunity we had for respite from caring for our sons but then the pandemic hit and our caregiver moved away and our dates became few and far between.
I miss doing things together, as a couple and as a family. More often than not our life is divide-and-conquer, and it’s hard that people have stopped asking where you or I am anymore when we aren’t together. Now, they just know.
Despite all of these challenges, you are a good man, a good father, and a good husband.
Thank you for loving all of us, even when it wasn’t easy.
As I contemplate our wedding day and think about our vows, both of us full of ignorant bliss, knowing what I know now I would add, “…in sickness and health, even if our kids are born with special needs or autism and have behavioral issues that we can’t even begin to comprehend, and we need to care for them for the rest of our lives,” even then — I will love them and I will love you because that is what you’ve done for us.
Happy Anniversary Mr. C, the Forever Daddy
About: My name is Robyn, and I live in Minnesota with my husband Mr C and our six kids. Our oldest two boys both are on the Autism Spectrum. My hobbies include blogging, staying up late and drinking coffee.
Autism advocacy is my passion.
Blog link: https://m.facebook.com/StixAndFuzzies/