Though autism primarily arises due to flaws in very early neurodevelopment, some cases have causes even after birth.
The author and his family.
By Fred Marvel
The caseworker looked at me and quietly said someone has been abusing your child.
And that was the moment my life changed forever.
My wife and I met when we were 18, and five years later we were married. We loved our life together. We vacationed in the Dominican Republic, moved into an apartment and bought our first house in Philadelphia. Our first child, Aleksander, was born on August 14, 2009, and we couldn’t have been happier.
My wife returned to work after her maternity leave, and we found a babysitter to look after Aleks. On December 10, 2009 my wife left for lunch and visited Aleks on her break. As she caught up with the babysitter and peeked at Aleks in his Pack-and-play, something didn’t seem right. Our son was moaning and staring off into space. My wife immediately rushed him to the pediatrician. The doctor recognized that something was wrong, although she didn’t share her suspicions and instead told my wife to immediately take him to the hospital.
I had just walked into a holiday party when my wife called and said she was on her way to the hospital with Aleks. I left and met them there. We were seen right away, and that’s when we heard someone has been abusing your child. My wife and I looked at each other in shock. We were first-time parents still getting used to caring for our four-month old baby and until that point, Aleksander had never had a mark on his body and was meeting his milestones.
After a few tests and scans, it was determined that Aleks had suffered from Shaken Baby Syndrome. He had bleeding behind his eyes and had a concussion. Because of this incident, he also developed hydrocephalus. At first, we didn’t believe that he had been shaken. We pressed the doctors and begged for an alternative explanation. In a way, we were begging to not be held accountable. Although we hadn’t harmed our child, we had allowed someone else to watch him, and there was guilt attached to that admission.
Aleks remained in critical condition that night, — we were told that he might not make it. As per their protocol, the hospital called the police and Children’s Protective Services. My wife and I were not allowed to be alone in the hospital room with our son and required constant supervision. We were being punished for a horrific occurrence that someone else had committed against our child.
A few days into our hospital stay, the babysitter admitted that he had accidentally dropped Aleks onto the floor after tripping. That explanation was enough to remove the restrictions Child Protective Services had placed on us, but we still wondered the true extent of our son’s injuries and whether or not he would ever fully recover.
After eight days in the hospital, Aleks was finally discharged. What followed over the next two years were intense rounds of therapies, and miraculously, Aleksander made a recovery. Our life was finally feeling somewhat normal, or so we thought.
After approximately six months of daycare we were told they could not handle our son who had begun to experience behavioral issues around his third birthday. He became aggressive towards people and would run off with no explanation. Thankfully, the owner of the daycare was incredibly helpful, and recommended a developmental pediatrician.
Aleks was eventually diagnosed with ADHD and sensory processing disorder. We were also told he had some autistic traits but because he was so social, they didn’t suspect that he had autism. He started to improve and do really well in school and then he entered third grade. After numerous behavioral issues including aggression and terrible grades, Aleks was diagnosed with Level 2 Autism, right before his 10th birthday.
Many parents talk about grieving their child’s diagnosis but that didn’t happen for me. Because we came so close to losing Aleks, I feel like each day is a blessing because he had made a miraculous recovery. The most difficult part for me is seeing Aleks struggle. I often tell the story of how it took Aleks a year and a half to learn to ride a bike without training wheels. But for our nine-year-old son Daniel, he rode off on his own the very first day I took his training wheels off.
I try not to focus on “what ifs” because I can’t go back and change the past. My focus is on giving Aleks the best possible life I can right now. I believe 100 percent that with the right support in place, he will be successful.
Fred Marvel is a paralegal and podcaster who lives in the suburbs of Philadelphia with his wife of almost 16 years and three sons. His podcast, The Spectrum Dad, features interviews with members of the autism community and his own stories as an autism parent. You can connect with Fred on Instagram @thespectrumdadpod.
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