Everyone has used the term, “walking on eggshells.” Looking back, I used it for trivial things. Here is what it means now.
By Vance Goforth
Everyone has heard and used the term “walk on eggshells.” I think back and chuckle at what I used that term for before dealing with a child having severe aggression and self injurious behaviors.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not making light of others that use this term but just reflecting on my thoughts and perspectives since facing, quite frankly, living nightmares. I might have used that term for someone having a bad day at work, a spat with his spouse, or even said this after someone’s favorite sports team lost a big game. Looking back, it was used when describing mostly trivial things. Here is what I use the term for now.
To be walking on eggshells now is trying to redirect my son constantly to keep him from even seeing any type of electronic devices; these will trigger an outburst when we take him on a trip away from his residential home.
Walking on eggshells now means second guessing myself ten times before offering Josh candy because if I offer the wrong kind, wrong amount, wrong flavor or if his youngest sister gets a piece before him. Then this leads to a major outburst.
Walking on eggshells now means if I help Josh turn on a tablet, Alexa or other device to play music, I have a 50-50 chance of mentioning the right music. Gospel or Christmas music, if I mention the wrong one, it can be a meltdown.
Walking on eggshells now means having to walk in front of my seven year-old daughter so Josh doesn’t see her and it triggers an outburst. This one is a real blast to have to deal with because it changes from day to day and you can’t gauge when it will start happening. She spent most of the time hiding when he was at home or even hiding behind the van seat if he has an outburst while we are visiting.
Walking on eggshells now means clearing a room and trying to get him away from anything that can be broken the first time you hear thunder. If lightning starts, you’re already too late and the outburst is coming. You spend the next two hours holding him and reassuring him that the storm will not hurt him.
Walking on eggshells now is praying that the music playing inside the store you’re in doesn’t cut off, because he will throw himself down on the floor, and if you’re lucky, you might get him to the car 30 minutes later.
Walking on eggshells now means dreading giving medications. You don’t know if he will just take his medications or if he will start damaging everything around him and trying injure and also self injure.
To be walking on eggshells now means we have to watch our words and statements to the insurance company. One wrong word or statement can be the difference of getting or not getting services. It can also cause the insurance to deny services even when your wife is in tears and begging for help.
Walking on eggshells now means having conversations with legislators and hearing the dreaded words “there is no funding for this” and you feel as if the fact that the pain and suffering your child and family feels is ignored and viewed as not worth it.
This list keeps on going but I’ve learned this, I hate eggshells.
Vance Goforth is the father of a young man with a severe form of autism. He lives with his family in Tennessee. You can find Vance’s autism parent support group, A Voice for Joshua, at facebook.com/pg/changeforjosh
